Phil’s fight

I’ve been thinking back to New Year’s Eve when Phil was rushed to the hospital in septic shock and re-reading all of the entries we have written since re-starting the blog January 4th. In some ways, it feels like an eternity. In other ways, it seems like a tornado in the night that hit us so fast without warning.

This past year, Phil had been hospitalized five different times. Sometimes he’d be in the hospital for a couple of days or a week or so, but he’d always come home ok, just with some new directives from his doctors. On New Year’s Eve, we all thought it would just be another one of those trips where he needed an anti-biotic drip, or fluids for dehydration, or some other relatively simple issue. Never, ever did any of us imagine that we’d be where we are now.

Although we’ve had some time to process what is happening, it still seems surreal. In one moment, we feel at peace, and in another moment, we are overcome with sadness and tears of grief, and in another we are angry, and in another just shell shocked. But through this roller coaster of emotions, we have remained steadfast in our desire to follow the wishes of Phil and to stand together as a family.

Since Phil’s accident 2 1/2 years ago, and especially over these past 2 1/2 weeks, Phil has brought us closer together as a family. The Henry’s have always been a family with a lot of love, but now we are quicker to tell each other how we feel and to keep each other close. Phil has always been the keystone of our family, so it’s no wonder that he has managed to make all of us stronger even as he endured the toughest of times. So even though we face such a tragic heartbreak very soon, we are fortunate that Phil left us the most lasting and powerful gift of all: a family united. For that, we cannot thank our beloved Philly enough.

As I was sitting with Phil this evening and stroking his arm and holding his hand, I put both of my hands on his chest to feel his heartbeat. Although his breathing is now more intermittent, his heart still felt so powerful to me. But I guess that shouldn’t come as a surprise to me – Phil’s heart has always been big and strong.

Suddenly “The Green Mile” came to mind, and I thought how I wish that I had the power to heal Phil, like the main character John Coffey did for the terminally ill wife of the warden in “The Green Mile”. I sat close to him with my hands firmly on his chest, and I wished and wished that I could heal him. I even looked out the window, hoping to see a shooting star, but alas, the dreary, low hanging clouds and fog kept all the stars hidden. Finally I realized how powerless and helpless I was, and I began to cry. I’ve cried a lot lately, but tonight I cried until my tears ran out. And as I cried, Phil turned his head in my direction, blinked his eyes, and then calmly fell back asleep. And there it was – Phil’s big heart finding a way to comfort me and to acknowledge my pain and grief. That’s our Philly…always thinking of others, always making us smile, always being strong, always there for us, always showing his love.

As I sat by Phil’s bedside today holding his hand, the serenity prayer kept coming to mind. This is a prayer that has helped Phil through the toughest of times and now sustains us.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Phil is resting comfortably with very little medicine needed at this stage. Occasionally, he has alert moments, but mostly he is asleep. Since hearing is the last sense to go, we continue to tell him that he is loved by so many people and that he is not alone. We play Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Lynyrd Skynyrd and other music that he has always loved. We watch NCAA basketball and NFL with him. We told him about the recent big win for the UA Golden Bears over Dublin Coffman in boys’ basketball (keep it going Casey…9-0!). But mostly, we sit quietly with Phil, holding his hand, and we think about all of the amazing times we have shared. And although our time with Phil may be limited, our wonderful memories are limitless. And that is our serenity.

Phil’s family is trying to remain strong as we endure this process of letting Phil go, but we also want to say to the rest of you – those who also love and care for Phil – that we know that you are all hurting, too. Phil is a bright spot, a little ray of sunshine for so many people on the grayest of days, and we know that it isn’t just our world that will be a little less bright once we lose our beloved Philly. Phil has so many acquaintances and friends who will miss his quick wit, his keen perceptiveness, his passion for the Buckeyes, his desire to protect animals, his love of music and his beautiful voice, his handsome, assured smile, and his ability to touch the lives of everyone he encounters. Most of all, we know that it is Phil’s friendship that will be missed most of all.

So we hope that we can provide each of you with a bit of comfort in this sad time…and ironically, it was said by Phil’s 4-year-old niece Cami. As she saw us crying, she said, “Don’t be sad about Uncle Philly. Once he’s an angel in heaven he’ll be able to hug us and we can talk to him whenever we want, and he’ll be able to walk again.” We’re sure he’ll be as radiant in heaven as he is here…and he’ll be climbing some 14,000 foot peak, happy and free of pain. This thought gives us solace, and we hope it gives you comfort as well.

We want to make sure that things are very clear to all of Phil’s family and friends. Phil is still alive, though he is extremely ill with no prospect of recovery, unless God has other plans the doctors don’t know about. His life support has been withdrawn as we are allowing him to pass peacefully. He is being kept comfortable through medication and sedation to assure that he is pain free during the remainder of his life on Earth. The doctors say that this process could take minutes, days, or weeks; every person’s body reacts differently. Fortunately for us, Phil’s strong spirit should give his family adequate time to say our goodbyes and to spend time together as a family.

Phil is being moved into Hospice care, thus the Henry family asks for privacy during this difficult time. Visitation will be strictly limited to immediate family only so that Phil and his loved ones can come together as the end draws near. Thank you for all of your understanding and support, and especially for your kind messages on this blog, which have been a source of strength for all of us.

Phil’s body may be failing him, but his strength and spirit goes on. Now that Phil is free from the constraints of the ventilator and other machines, he is resting comfortably yet still showing the amazing strength and spirit that has defined his life. In his final days with us, he is continuing to show how he is strong willed, in spite of how wounded and damaged his body is.

Like always, Phil is doing this on his own terms with his priority being his family. He has made sure that his family feels his love, thus providing comfort to us while we are trying to comfort him.

Although this process is daunting, we are proud of Phil’s strength, courage, and overwhelming love. Please pray for peace for Phil, and know that his family is with him as he moves closer to God.

On Friday Phil came to a crossroads, and it is clear the path his body has taken. He has multiple complications that would only prolong the inevitable outcome. The family knows that Phil is ready to be at peace.

Visitation is strictly limited to family only during this process. The Henry family asks for privacy during this sad time. Please keep Phil and the Henry family in your prayers as they come together to comfort Phil and each other in this difficult time.

Early Friday morning, Phil pulled his ventilator tube out of his mouth. They were purposely bringing down his sedation to get a feel for how he would respond on his own. Once the tube was out, they had a short opportunity to find out. He lasted only a minute and a half until they had to re-intubate him. This of course is not a good sign, as each day on a ventilator makes recovery more difficult.

He is back under pretty heavy pain medication, as we don’t want him suffering. The family wishes are to keep him comfortable during this time. His sedation levels are lower to allow the doctors to continue to test his ability to breathe independently without a ventilator.

We are currently working with the Pain and Palliative Medicine team to help us understand where we are with Phil’s overall condition and make decisions as needed. They explained that we are at a critical crossroads and after this weekend we will most likely have a better understanding as to where Phil’s path will lead.

For now, we pray for Phil’s peace, serenity and comfort- in whatever form that may be.

Many family members were with Phil during evening visiting hours tonight in spite of the major snow storm, and there was not much change in his condition. He is resting more peacefully tonight as they had to sedate him more heavily this evening. Earlier in the day, the docs had tried to lower his level of sedation in an effort to hopefully wean him from the ventilator; this confused and agitated Phil, and ultimately was too risky, so the ventilator remained and Phil was more heavily sedated to help him rest more comfortably. Tomorrow he will be getting dialysis again.

We’ll keep you all updated…even if there isn’t much to update. Thanks again for all of your prayers…keep praying for the infection to subside, for his kidneys to regain functioning, and for Phil to be able to get off the ventilator so that we can communicate with him. Your prayers are helping us to stay strong as much as they are helping Phil to fight.

We have decided we would rather be riding a monorail than this roller coaster…

Today has not brought too much change for Phil.  He is still on the ventilator and under sedation.  Phil is currently down having an x-ray of his hip/wound region to provide additional information for the bone doctor.  According to the attending physician Phil is making small improvements.  However, he is not “out of the woods yet”.  We are extremely pleased with the care Phil is receiving here at the Ohio State University Hospital.  We know he is in good and God’s hands.

Keep  praying…..